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Art by Charles Nicholas. © Marvel Comics Inc. Posted by the Web-Ed on 01/21/2010 |
As we continue with "The Weirdest
Comic-Book Spankings of All Time", we turn to some non-robot examples,
beginning with this gem taken from the long-forgotten Rockman USA (Underground Secret
Agent), in USA Comics #3 (1942). Rockman is a secret agent who takes "going underground" literally
- he operates below ground level! This is a very strange idea: first, there's
nothing much worth spying on down there, except maybe for some German
"moles" (ouch!); second, if anyone sees you hundreds of feet
underground where no sane person has any business being, and wearing a leotard to boot, it's pretty obvious
that you're engaged in some kind of suspicious activity. Rockman may
have been underground, but it's hard to see how he could have remained
undercover for very long. Our story also features that old standby,
the female in danger: four
sinister little "pixies" are preparing to violate the Mann Act by
carrying a blonde across (or at least under) state lines for immoral
purposes. If she ever gets home safely, she ought to fire her clothing
designer, who for some reason placed two gold cups on the front of her dress
in a location guaranteed to drive any midgets who saw them wild, causing them to carry her off in a frenzy. But never fear -
it's |
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From USA Comics #3 (1942) |
Something Stan Lee may have forgotten while
he was banging out this script in the middle of the night is that these
"pixies" were not bad boys but grown men. Yes, this story was written by the one and only Stan (The Man) Lee, who has
probably scripted more comic pages than anyone else in history. This is his only spanking scene as far as we know, although it's always
possible that there's another buried somewhere in the hundreds of pages of Romance comics he wrote. Actually, the spanking was more
probably the idea of the artist, Charles Nicholas, who likely pencilled the
pages before Lee wrote the captions and dialogue, although there's no way to
be sure. And the thing
about male/male (M/M) adult spanking is that there’s something unmistakably gay about it,
which is a subject we’ll comment on further in the forthcoming entries of this series. For right now, we'll simply
point out that it makes Rockman look more than a little weird, especially when you throw in the costumes and setting. Now back to our story. Rockman's approach to problem-solving is not exactly cerebral, for his
method here consists of slapping the pixie-men upside the head (“Four at a
time, ha-ha!”) and then turning them over his knee! Rockman old buddy, a
friendly word to the wise: if you're going to spend your time spanking male
midgets when there's a beautiful blonde girl within easy reach, tongues will wag
and people are likely to conclude that a) you've got rocks in your head; b)
you've been underground too long; and c) your leotard is too tight. Next Entry Previous Entry |
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