Hi,

I just read your article about the use of paddle, strap and cane.

Very interesting and I've learned something I didn't know again.

Only one thing I found quite annoying to read:

'We hesitate to even mention F/M spanking as we consider it much less natural than M/F'

How can you behave so prejudiced.

Regards,

J.

Glad you found the article interesting.  I take it you spank men - I've got no problem with that.  I'll consider removing the "offending" sentence, but the truth is that F/M is less natural than M/F, for reasons I haven't made clear on the site yet since I still haven't written my series on the whys of spanking.  But to condense an idea unfairly, it will be noticed that normal sexual psychology is for the male to be dominant and the female submissive.  This came about quite naturally from the physical requirements of sex (male penetrating female) and the differing mating goals of the male and female. 

It follows that in erotic spanking, the male would naturally be dominant.  There are, of course, a large portion of "switchable" men, and a much smaller portion of purely submissive men.  After years of research, thought, and study, I understand how these things occur, and eventually I will explain them in a future article (keep watching the site!).  And there is nothing wrong with a compatible couple engaging in F/M play - indeed, since we cannot change our need to give or receive spankings, it is preferable that they should do so rather than remain frustrated.  Then there are always non-erotic (e.g. disciplinary) spankings.  But I remain convinced that M/F is the more natural orientation of a romantically involved couple, and that F/M spanking is likely to subject a relationship to a subtle strain that doesn't occur with a M/F spanking couple.  The details are too lengthy to get into here.  If you're in Chicago some time (maybe for a Crimson Moon party) we can talk about it if you like.  And eventually, I will write that article.

Web-Ed
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Hi [Web-Ed],

I appreciate your speedy and extensive response.

And thank you too for your invitation to talk. Although it is hardly a possibility to visit a party like Crimson Moon, because I live in Europe.

Okay, that's enough polite conversation. Let's go back to our disagreement.

May I suggest to talk first about erotic spanking, often used before having sex as women get aroused when they are spanked.

I know by reading real life stories, from talking with friends and my own experience, that men get aroused too when they receive a spanking. Exactly like women! My experience again as I am a switch with my husband. (With my male and female friends I am dominant.)

Then you are talking about the sexual act: 'the male penetrating the female'. However using a different position with the female on top, though the male is still penetrating, her role is more dominant than the males part. And tell me - is the key more important than the keyhole?

Lastly, about disciplinary spanking.

We (my husband and I) are in a D/D relationship. My husband needs the discipline to keep to the rules in our household. When you search for spanking blogs you'll see there are many D/D spanking blogs with male as well as female as the submissive person (and a few switchable ones like ours).

While a male can be submissive to a female, he certainly doesn't have to have a submissive position in the outer world.

Males in a domineering professional position may like, even prefer, to receive a spanking above giving one.

It's a bit a shame I think putting male and female in separate boxes, each having an isolated place in the spanking community. Why should you?

Regards,

jonielle

What we have here is a both a misunderstanding and a disagreement. The misunderstanding revolves around the various spanking classifications or orientations (Top, Bottom, Switch), and my view of sexual intercourse as male dominant/female submissive. I did not imply that the male was somehow more important, just more dominant. I am not convinced by your example of the female superior position, for it is still she who is being penetrated. There is a world of difference between this, and, say, strap-on play, where the woman does assume the dominant role. But observe that strap-on play is exceedingly rare among heterosexual couples, whereas the female superior position during sex is not.

Now as to spanking orientations, I never claimed that only male Tops and female Bottoms existed. I am well aware of the existence of male Bottoms and Switches, and female Tops and Switches. It does not, however, follow that these orientations are all equally natural or equally likely to result in satisfactory relationships. This is the crux of our disagreement. I am by no means unsympathetic to men who want to receive spankings – I accept these men as they are, but I think they’re in a tough bind because it is harder to find a dominant or switchable woman than it is to find a submissive one (if you don’t believe me, talk to some of the men at a spanking party who are frustrated at having so few female Tops to spank them).

If finding such a woman weren’t difficult enough, maintaining a relationship with one is even harder because of the “subtle strain” that I referred to in my earlier response. Again, time constraints don’t allow me to present these ideas properly here, but the fact is that most women are going to have difficulty, to a greater or lesser extent, completely respecting a man whom they can Top. I have discussed this with many women (and you can read numerous accounts out there on the web yourself), and know this to be a hard truth. Submissive women aren’t generally comfortable with the idea, and many switchable women do not want to switch back to subbing to a man they have once topped – this is an extremely significant fact.

Of course there are exceptions, which in no way invalidate these generalizations. Human beings are incredibly varied, and exceptions will always be found to any psychological generalization. This does not mean that such generalizations are not valuable or useful. You seem to be one of the exceptions, and I believe your husband is lucky to have found someone like you. I wish you both the best and hope you continue to enjoy your switchable relationship.

Eventually, I do intend to provide a fuller explication of these ideas. For the present, I am writing a lot of other things that must take priority. And I think I will revise the sentence that so upset you originally, although I’m still convinced that M/F spanking is more natural than any other.

Web-Ed