Chicago Spanking Review Forum

More newbie questions:
1) What's preferable for a spankee to wear--pants or a skirt? And is a skirt only preferable with bare legs or stockings underneath? (Just bought my first skirt since my pre-baby days and its too cold to go bare legged and I feel foolish in stockings--those things only look good on tall slender women, so I wear warm tights)

2) Is there a certain type of spankee that is preferable? It sometimes seems, from reading comments here and stories other places, that men really enjoy the challenge of spanking a brat...I wonder if it is part of the whole "you Jane, me Tarzan" thing. I am not a brat, I am a quieter more introverted person. And right now, I am not really looking for discipline for real offenses. So I guess I wonder, is that boring to a spanker? Are quiet subs less fun for spankers because they aren't offering a challenge or verbal banter that calls out a guy's Tarzan-side?

-Samantha

samantha wrote:More newbie questions:
1) What's preferable for a spankee to wear--pants or a skirt? And is a skirt only preferable with bare legs or stockings underneath? (Just bought my first skirt since my pre-baby days and its too cold to go bare legged and I feel foolish in stockings--those things only look good on tall slender women, so I wear warm tights)

2) Is there a certain type of spankee that is preferable? It sometimes seems, from reading comments here and stories other places, that men really enjoy the challenge of spanking a brat...I wonder if it is part of the whole "you Jane, me Tarzan" thing. I am not a brat, I am a quieter more introverted person. And right now, I am not really looking for discipline for real offenses. So I guess I wonder, is that boring to a spanker? Are quiet subs less fun for spankers because they aren't offering a challenge or verbal banter that calls out a guy's Tarzan-side?
-Samantha

Individual tastes in both these areas very greatly among Tops, Samantha. Here's how I personally feel about them:

1) Pants or skirt makes no difference to me, because I'm not about to allow either to remain in my way for long! Some spankees really love a long, slow build-up to the inevitable bare bottom, so with this type pants are obviously good. Cotton denim jeans are rather hard on the hand, so I either take them down relatively early in the spanking or switch to a solid paddle-ball shaped lexan paddle which spares my hand and can be easily felt by the spankee even through her jeans. Skirts I find enough of a nuisance that I flip them up out of the way immediately; they do have the advantage of being easy to flip up whereas tight jeans, for instance, may take some effort to get past the hips. If a skirt is worn, I would prefer bare legs although you can't reasonably expect women to dress that way during the long Chicago winter. Also, if I'm seeing someone just after she's left her job, I know that bare legs are generally a no-no in the business world and she'll be wearing stockings with her skirt. The one thing I really hate is pantyhose - it's a lot of effort to get out of the way.

Some guys are turned on by specific things, like cut-off jeans or panties. A lot probably depends on early experiences.

2) The preferred type of spankee probably varies even more with the individual Top than clothing does. Brats try my patience, although they're more common at spanking parties than any other kind of spankee. And when brats get together - watch out! It only compounds their brattiness. But I don't need brattiness to bring out my inner Tarzan, because he's always there. I admit there is a certain satisfaction from putting a brat in her place, mainly by applying my paddle to its place - right where it will do her the most good!

Most of the women who contact me privately are penitents who require discipline - this involves a great deal of work because I'm usually involved in crafting a discipline plan, following their progress, etc. Such sessions are probably more work than fun.

The third kind of spankee tends to be shy and introverted to the point that she isn't really comfortable being out in the open at a party, and often chickens out when faced with her first private 1-on-1 session. But I like this kind very much, who blushes at one end at the mere thought of spanking, and at both ends by the time I'm finished! Her great need is for overt submission. There is a fourth type, who sees spanking as almost pure fun, and is fun for me to deal with but rarely encountered, and a fifth type who sees spanking as a sensual build-up to eventual sex but doesn't generally seek out anyone to spank her because she wants her lover to do it.

We could also mention a sixth type, the powerful woman seeking what is sometimes known as "power exchange". In practice, this means she will yield power and I will take it from her. In most ways, this type is a sub-category of Type-3, which probably means I should have numbered them differently! Submission is once again what is sought, the difference being that these women have a hard time relinquishing power during the spanking even though they desperately want to, whereas the shy introvert has no trouble relinquishing power when taken OTK but has difficulty getting up the nerve to get herself into a spanking situation in the first place.

Powerful women seeking a spanking are not very common, but I really love dealing with them when I get the opportunity! It's like the classic episode of the Phantom spanking Queen Pera, except that I refuse to wear purple tights for the occasion!

That makes sense that everyone would have their own personal tastes.
I agree with you about pantyhose....those things are uncomfortable, too! The good thing is they have gone out of fashion so women don't really wear pantyhose or nylons anymore, even at work. All of the teachers at my school go bare legged until the weather gets cold. (My principal wears what I assume to be pantyhose, but she's a good 15 years my senior, so might be a generational thing.)

-Sam

I have another "type" question. Is it typical/normal/whatever you want to call it for a woman to be one way at work and another way in a spanking situation?
This is why I ask. So, while I am generally NOT the life of the party, not loud, not extroverted (though there have been rare moments), the more comfortable I am with people, the less introverted I become. And at work, I am a very capable, collaborative, sometimes outspoken person. Some of it comes with the territory. Along with the more nurturing parts of my job (hugging crying kids, tying pair after pair of shoes, reading terrific literature out loud) I obviously have to be a very firm authority so that my classroom isn't up for grabs. And I also am on different leadership committees at school too, with responsibility involving budget and school wide decision making. It is hard to reconcile my work-self with my "please, oh please spank me self". It is almost like feeling fake, except, I am not being fake. How do I resolve the difference? And how do I resolve the issue of being authoritative in one situation and yet allow myself to be the exact opposite in another? It doesn't seem like it makes sense, does it?

samantha wrote: It is almost like feeling fake, except, I am not being fake. How do I resolve the difference? And how do I resolve the issue of being authoritative in one situation and yet allow myself to be the exact opposite in another? It doesn't seem like it makes sense, does it?

hi Samantha,

i have to wonder if there's really anything for you to resolve here. from what i gather it is possible to be both and be quite content. i have a couple of friends who are supervisors at work. they enjoy their work for the most part and readily use whatever authority it takes to make the job go smoothly for everyone without hesitation. however, at home they prefer to be submissive and allow their husbands to make the decisions, even those decisions where they end up end up . one of them, who does not currently have a man in her life, longs for someone to take that authority away from her when she is not at work and spank her bottom good when she is out of sorts. i have read about quite a few such women, some of whom are in high paying, high stress, high demand jobs who just love their work. while at work they show no signs of a submissive side and let everyone know they are the one in charge. at home they are often totally different though. their husbands run the show up to and including blistering their bottoms. from what they say, they often go to work with sore bottoms and smiles on their faces. phil

Phil, you are probably right. I think I am over thinking this...I do that sometimes. I think at some point, sooner rather than later hopefully, I can just go with what I want instead of inspecting the situation to death. I also think I need to go talk to one of my best girlfriends about this. I didn't think I could do it, but I think I might just have to trust that 20 years of friendship has to count for something.

Samantha, you are not alone! There are many, many women who are puzzled by their submissive desires because they see them as somehow in conflict with the person they are the rest of the time: These women are figuratively cutting themselves in two, and the sad thing is that there's no need for all the conflict and unhappiness they suffer. The problem becomes particularly acute with strong-willed women, women with firm feminist convictions (a certain prescription for unhappiness), and women in positions of authority. I would say the key to resolving the dilemma for any woman is to recognize that submission in sexual matters does not imply a subordinate position in economic, social, or political life. In other words, a woman needs to be able to separate her submissive spanking desires from the rest of her life. To any such woman, I would suggest proceeding in three stages:

1. Accept your need to be spanked. It's not a bad thing as long as you're not fantasizing about being seriously hurt, and it's not really so far from the average woman's needs. Remember that all women need to submit in one way or another, and there's nothing really wrong with you for wanting to be spanked.

2. Once you accept this about yourself, realize that you can integrate your needs into your life by simply keeping the two parts of your life separate. This isn't so strange - most people separate their sex lives from their professional lives, after all. In other words, make sure you understand that being a submissive spankee with a red bottom in the bedroom in no way precludes you from being a holy terror in the boardroom!

3. Banish the last traces of guilt from your mind. You are not a bad person for needing to be spanked. You deserve to be happy, and you deserve to be spanked (in a double sense ). Go out, get yourself spanked, don't feel guilty about wanting it, and be happy!

Omg, I love that cartoon!
I think the perspective of being a spanked submissive does not mean I am going to be "less than" in regular life is important for me to hear. I've worried about that.
I am not really a feminist, not in any real sense of the word. I mean, I appreciate that men and women can now earn the same pay for the same work (at least most of the time) and that I am not considered "property" and that I have access to birth control so my life is not consumed by unlimited pregnancies, all gains made by feminism. But, I am not an extremist feminist. I like men--a lot.

I did have a great talk with my best friend and got a perspective that I didn't have before. Besides the fact that wow, my friend loves and accepts me and that is such an amazing thing, she knows me well enough to bring good insight. She had similar advice to you, Web-ed and you, Phil. (she thinks my perfectionistic side is wreaking havoc with my sexuality and told me to cut myself a break)

web-ed wrote:3. Banish the last traces of guilt from your mind. You are not a bad person for needing to be spanked. You deserve to be happy, and you deserve to be spanked (in a double sense ). Go out, get yourself spanked, don't feel guilty about wanting it, and be happy!

I did, I don't (anymore), and I am!

sunflower