I SEDUCE THE SPIRIT, WELL SORT OF

By Helena

Wow!.. Who would ever 
have thought that I would have pretended to be a jewel thief, or that I would have been 
captured by a notorious criminal, or that I would have been rescued by and kissed by The Spirit... 
well, I am getting way too ahead of myself.

 My name is Helena, and my story begins a few years back when I was a freshman in college. My cousin had introduced 
me to The Spirit a few years before and I just couldn’t help falling in love with The Spirit.  
He is soooooo sexy. I have always wanted to share an adventure with The Spirit. 
So I decided to go to Central City in order to seduce him. After all I am fairly attractive. 
But first I would have to devise a plan,... a scheme...yes, yes a scheme...ha! ha! he! he! ho! ho!.
  

So I devised a plan to pique The Spirit’s interest. 
Of course at the time I didn’t think about the fact that my scheme would cause The Spirit so much 
trouble! 

I arrived in Central
City a few days later. The first thing that I did was to write a note to The Spirit, which 
read: “Spirit Darling, I have stolen the Belle Mead diamond. Meet me at 8 PM in room 321 in 
the Central City hotel, if you want to recover it.”  
And I signed the note—

“DESIREE” !!!

I next made my way into Wildwood Cemetery and found the gravesite of Denny Colt, and 
following the instructions I had remembered reading in ‘Harvey Spirit No. 1’, I pushed the 
“O” in Colt and walked down the steps and left the note in a spot where The Spirit would be 
sure to find it. I then hurried back up the steps. How could I have known that a notorious criminal  
named Jean Rene Lafitte had followed me down, and also read the note? 
 
Next I went shopping and bought the sexiest looking, tightest-fitting spandex gown that I 
could find, to wear for The Spirit. As I was putting the gown on, I thought to myself: “How in the world 
do those Hollywood glamour girls wear something this tight all the time? How can they breathe in this?”
  But I’ll bet that when The Spirit sees me in this gown, it will 
make him forget all about that Ellen Dolan!”.
 
That night, The Spirit showed up 
right on time at my hotel room. “Well where is this diamond, and where did you steal it from?” 
asked The Spirit. 
 
“Not so fast Spirit darling!”...”Would you like a drink?” I asked, faking a sexy German 
accent. “No thanks” answered The Spirit. I then leaned over and kissed him... a real long 
passionate kiss. At last I had my hands on him, all over him. 
 
“Now that’s enough of that, young 
lady!” said The Spirit. “You behave yourself or I’ll put you across my knee!” 
“But Spirit darling, don’t you want to make love to me!” I pouted”. The Spirit was not responding the way 
that I had hoped he would. I tried to kiss him again, but he stopped me and asked again. 
“Now where have you hidden that diamond?” 
I tried to kiss him one more time. The Spirit became
very angry.
 
“That does it, you
asked for this!” But before The Spirit could move, there was a very loud crash (CLANK!!!) (CLUNK!!!) 
(PLANK!!!). A man had hit The Spirit on the head with a pipe and knocked him out. A second man appeared 
and the two men carried me out of the hotel kicking and
screaming. They brought me to an 
abandoned warehouse.
 
The two 
men kept me tied up in a chair for hours. I found out that one
of the men was none other than 
the infamous criminal Jean Rene Lafitte.
They kept asking me to tell them where I had hidden 
the diamond. I tried to explain to them that there is no such thing as the Belle Mead
diamond, 
and that I had made up the whole story, but they didn’t believe me. By now I was becoming really scared. 
This wasn’t fun any more.  Lafitte then said to me: “I will now 
give you one last chance to tell us where you have hidden the diamond, or my friend here starts messing 
up that pretty face of yours!”
 
At that very moment The Spirit and Ebony came crashing through the door. [Ebony
is The Spirit's faithful sidekick - Web-Ed]
  The Spirit grabbed Lafitte and (SOCK!!!) (POP!!!) (CLUNK!!!) 
(POW!!!) (WHACK!!!) (WHOP!!!) (PLUNK!!!) (WHAAPP!!!) (BOOM!!!) (BAM!!!)
(CRACK!!!!) (POW!!!) 
(BLOMM!!!) (CLANK!!!) (CRANK!!!) (THWACK!!!)
(THHWWACK!!!) (THHHWWWACCK!!!). The Spirit had 
knocked out Lafitte, and
Ebony had taken care of the other man. Wow! To be rescued by The 
Spirit!  What more can a girl ask for? 
 
“Don’t thank me” said The Spirit. “Ebony has been following Lafitte for days”.  The Spirit then untied me and I gave him another big, long kiss! Then Ebony brought both men down to police headquarters. 
 
“Young lady, who are you and what’s this all about?” asked The Spirit. “Don’t you realize that you almost got yourself killed?” he added. “But Spirit darling don’t you like the way I look in this gown?”...”Why don’t we go back to my hotel room and get to know each other a whole lot better...ho!  ho!”...”I know that you really want me” I replied.
 
Then The Spirit said “I’ve had just about enough of your nonsense. Now I want the TRUTH! Come here!” The Spirit started walking toward me.
“Spirit darling!, why are you looking at me like that?”...”What are you
going to do?” I asked. “I’m now going to give you what I promised you
back at the hotel!” he replied...”You wouldn’t DARE!!!”. I said dropping my fake German accent.  I then tried to make a run for the door, but The Spirit chased me and caught me and then dragged me back over to the chair and sat himself down in it. The next thing I knew, I was lying face down across The Spirit’s lap, staring at the wooden warehouse floor. 
 
Then The Spirit said, “Now we’ll see what tune you sing, young lady!” 
 
I then yelled “Let me go you big bully, let me goooooooo!!!!!!!”...”Don’t you DARE!!!!!”...”SPIRIT NOOOOOOOO!!!”
There was a short pause, then: (SWAT!!!) (SWAT!!!) (SWAT!!!) “Stop it!”
(SWAT!!!) (SWAT!!!) (SWAT!!!) “Ouch!” (SWAT!!!) (SWAT!!!) (SWAT!!!) “How dare you!” (SWAT!!!) (SWAT!!!) (SWAT!!!) (SWAT!!!) (SWAT!!!) “Spirit don’t”...”Owww!” (SWAT!!!) (SWAT!!!) (SWAT!!!) “I’ll have you arrested for this!” (SWAT!!!) (SWAT!!!) (SWAT!!! “Owwwww!!” (SWAT!!!) (SWAT!!!) (SWAT!!!) “Sp-Spirit...stop it, do you hear!!” (SWAT!!!) (SWAT!!!) “Owwwww!!” (SWAT!!!) (SWAT!!!) (SWAT!!!) “I hate you...I hate you”... (SWAT!!!) (SWAT!!!) (SWAT!!!) “Stop it right now!!!” (SWAT!!!)
Owwwwwww!!! (SWAT!!!) (SWAT!!!) (SWAT!!!) (SWAT!!!) (SWAT!!!) (SWAT!!!)
(SWAT!!!) (SWAT!!!) “Alright!” (SWAT!!!) (SWAT!!!) (SWAT!!!)
“Alright...I’ll tell you the truth!...I’ll...I’ll tell 
you the truth
{sob}” (SWAT!!!) (SWAT!!!) (SWAT!!!) (SWAT!!!) (SWAT!!!) (SWAT!!!)
(SWAT!!!) “My name is really Helena!” (SWAT!!!) (SWAT!!!) (SWAT!!!) “I’m not really a thief”...
”I made up that whole story, Oooooouchh!!!”
(SWAT!!!) (SWAT!!!) (SWAT!!!) “There is no such 
thing as the Belle Mead
diamond, Owwwwwwww!!!” (SWAT!!!) (SWAT!!!) (SWAT!!!) “I made it all up!”
(SWAT!!!) (SWAT!!!) (SWAT!!!) “Please stop!” (SWAT!!!) (SWAT!!!)
(SWAT!!!) 
“I’m sorry for causing you so much trouble...Spirit pl-pleease stop!!! (SWAT!!!) (SWAT!!!) (SWAT!!!) 
“Owwwwwwww!!!” (SWAT!!!) (SWAT!!!) “I promise never to do it again!” (SWAT!!!) (SWAT!!!) (SWAT!!!) 
“I’m...”I’m sorry”...”sorrrrrrry!!!”...”Spirit!!!”...”Pleeee
eaaaassse!!!...{sob}...Boohoohoohoohoo!!... {sob}, {sob}, {sob}”
(SWAT!!!) (SWAT!!!) 
(SWAT!!!) (SWAT!!!) (SWAT!!!) (SWAT!!!) (SWAT!!!)
(SWAT!!!) (SWAT!!!) 
“Boohoohoohoohoohoohoohoo!!!...{sob}, {sob}, {sob}”.
etc, etc, etc...
 
 
 


The Spirit continued to lay it on hard and long. When he finally stopped and let me up, I’m sure I 
must have looked like a real mess.
The Spirit then put me on the first train back home. Well even after several years have 
passed, I still can’t believe that I really shared an adventure with The Spirit, and even got to kiss 
him twice. And yes, if I had it to do all over again, I would do it all exactly the same. Except I 
would make sure to take along a nice soft cushion for the long train ride home!

THE END