Web-Ed's note: Here is a story from Leilani combining super-heroes and humor. The members of the JLA are © DC Comics INC; the resemblance of the other characters to actual persons is purely coincidental (wink). We have performed some minor editing, but otherwise left this story exactly the way it was written several years ago.


Justice League of America

Part 1 (Prologue)


by Leilani

JLA Insignia

Maria’s narrative

Boy, we always get lost on these excursions when Richard is driving.  And no
wonder, Vince and Kerrie are both giving him opposite directions from the
instructions Birchmaster Bill left us, to get to the new nudist colony. 
Leilani has never been any help when it comes to navigating in Chicago.  And
we are already half an hour late!!!! He gets so edgy - I don’t dare make
suggestions.  But, we are just going to have to stop and ask for directions
to the Emporium.

Wait!!!! This looks like it......Large dark domed

“Richard, pull over.  Leilani and I will get out and check it
out.”  Looks ominous.....At least it’s clean.  Now let’s see.....Where do we
knock? The gates are opening automatically.   Must be electronic
sensors..........’The WatchTower’ I wonder what JLA stands for?  There is a
man in a dark robes standing there.......ugggh, reminds me of Dracula. 
Wonder if he is astute enough to give us directions?......Why!!!!!!! It’s
Batman.......and there’s Superman and Wonder Woman!!!!!!!! This must be one
of those freaky comic cult societies .......My, do they look
authentic!......Now those are real biceps and pectorals!!! They must be
bodybuilders or amateur wrestlers on the side.  Even Wonder Woman looks like
she comes from quality Amazon stock; she resembles a 6 foot barbie doll. 

 “Leilani, you stay here and get directions....Tell then we are completely

lost. I’m going back to get Vince, Kerrie, and Richard........ They’ve got
to see this!!”
          Well, I still don’t believe this! Here we are, all sitting at the oval table
where the JLA conferences are held.  All these freaky characters, right out
of DC comics are claiming to be authentic!!......But they are as friendly as
can be.  And talk about Good Looking........I could hang around crazy people
all day if they looked this good!!!! There’s Batman....Mmmmmmmm I wonder
what he looks like when he takes off his shirt.
     Batman speaks. “I know it’s hard for you to believe, but we’re here on a
mission.  You didn’t get lost, you were lured here by a probe on the
satellite map of your van.  We are taking a random poll to see what effects
DC comics----mainly the JLA had on impressionable  youths in shaping their
character.  To study this phenomenon, we have developed the most
sophisticated device---- The Prophecy Stone.  He placed what looked like an
ordinary crystal ball set on a wooden stand.  No lengthy surveys.....no
inaccurate census taking....all one needs to do is place their hands on the
crystal and their life’s history will flash out revealing how the JLA
effected both their childhood and guided them through their adult lives. 
Now, who wants to be first?”
          Me????........It’s always me.  When people are hesitant, Richard always
volunteers me!  Now, how do I do this?  Palms on the Prophecy
Stone......It’s cold!!!   “I have always been enthralled by Wonder woman
fighting for justice.  Emulating her character prompted me to stand up to
the bullies in our school.  Why there’s a tiny picture in the crystal
ball????  Why it’s me!!! I’m sooo young!!.......And I’m protecting a kid
who’s being beaten by a bully after school!  Inspired by my ideal, I
continued to fight bullies as an adult....of course now verbally, and
encouraging people who were down-trodden to move up in life.
          Wonder woman speaks.  “I cannot tell you how pleased we have been with the
results since we began this survey.  It gives us greater pleasure, Maria, in
meeting people like you, who say you have been influenced to fight for
justice all your life from a comic book, than besting any super-arch-villain
in the universe.  When I hear a story like yours------I will keep it in me
forever, and pull courage from it, when I need a lift in my heart.”
          These are really good people.  Even if they are a little nuts, and believe
they are superheroes.  It’s okay........Good, Kerrie is going next.
          Kerrie speaks.  “I’ve always been infatuated with Supergirl.  Strong,
athletic.....she was my ideal as a teenager........and impelled me with
ambition to succeed in a ‘men’s world’.  She still remains my role model as
an adult.”  Visions of tiny pictures of accolades of success flickered
across the crystal ball.  Even Supergirl’s face glowed as she spoke.
          Then I heard Leilani whispering to Vince.  “I think you should go next.  I
didn’t read many DC comics when I was growing up, so I’m going to have to
think about this for a while.  Though that crystal ball seems to pull long
forgotten memories out of you-----and everyone else seems pleased.  Your
wife seems to be doing quite well.”
          Vince seemed pretty well relaxed when he placed his hands on the crystal
ball-----though he hadn’t a clue as to what to say.  A tiny figure-----a boy
of 10-------Why it was Vince!  Appeared in the crystal ball studiously bent
over, studying DC comic books.  We squinted to try to make out what he was
doing.  He had scissors and was cutting out figures of Supergirl flying
through the air.  Why he had whole stacks of her picture cut out!!!!  He was
making collages-------pasting her picture across Superman’s lap----making
his own spanking comic strips!!!!
          I kicked him swiftly under the table trying to bring Uncle Vince back to
reality.  “Vince,” I whispered, “Come back to reality.  This is not Crimson
Moon!  These people are vanillas!!!”
          “I can’t help it,” he hissed back at me.  “Wonder Woman placed her magic lasso
around me, and I have to tell the truth.”
          Then there appeared a tiny scrapbook floating in the Prophecy Stone.  It
looked homemade, with the words ‘The Cartoon Spankathon” the letters cut out
from comic books.  “Let’s have a closer look at this”, Wonder Woman pulled
the book out of the crystal ball using a strand of her magic lasso to rope

          It was made of school note book paper. The picture collages held together
with white paste and scotch tape.  The pictures were obviously fetish, from
some adult spanking cartoon magazine—but the faces were grafted from DC
comics!!!  There was Superman spanking Wonder Woman on the podium of JLA, and
Batman laughing was covering Robin’s eyes!  Catwoman exposing a very red
derriere, and a paddle with the bat emblem on the floor! And of course, a
multitude of pictures of Supergirl horizontal, kicking up her heels as if
swimming or flying, but her skirt tossed displaying a reddened tush, and
across the lap of a multitude of superheroes, Batman, Green Lantern,
Hawkman--------to name a few.
          Not all of them took it badly.  Batman and Wonder Woman looked amused.  But
Superman was stoic, trying to calm Supergirl..............WHO WAS LIVID!!!!!
       “Excuse us” Superman had his iron hand locked tightly restraining
Supergirl’s arm, as he spun her out of the room.  You could make out a
cacophony of sounds......almost bordering hysterical yelling and screaming
through the muffled double bolted doors.
          Vince quickly withdrew his hands off the crystal ball----and ‘The Spankathon
Comics’ disappeared in a puff of smoke.
          “My goodness!”  Laughed Wonder Woman. ‘We don’t get to see how this all
influenced your adult life.  Don’t you want to put your hands back on the
Prophecy Stone and complete the survey?”
          Vince said dejectedly, “Do I have to?”  Wonder Woman began to speak soothingly to Kerrie, who was now pink with embarrassment. 

          “This is quite an eye-opener for Supergirl.  That girl has
lived a far too sheltered and prissy life, and her pure virginal attitudes are getting on all our nerves.  I would give anything for someone to introduce her to the darker side of human nature------anything to make her more down-to-earth.”  There was a sudden understanding between two females, the amazon princess and Crimson Moon board member------you could tell by their secret smile.
          Supergirl finally entered the room........face
immobile.......expressionless.  Even Superman looked drained and tired.  The
meeting suddenly came back to order.  Wonder Woman turned toward Vince.  “It’s
okay now, put your hands back on the stone and complete the survey.”
          All eyes were upon the doomed man.  Vince gritted his teeth------placed both
hands on the cold hard surface, all the while keeping his eyes tightly shut.   He couldn’t bear to witness what the damn tattle-tale crystal would tell about adult adventures.  Which is just as well.  Tiny fast-moving pictures flickered in the cloudy depths of the Prophecy Stone.  As if the stone was
too embarrassed to broadcast them clearly!  A multitude of pro-dommes crossed
his young adult life.  Of course, all eyes stayed focused on a particular
pretty blond—who by request of her favorite customer was dressed in a
Supergirl outfit, spanking with a hairbrush, a much younger version of Vince
who laid across her knees with his pants down!
     Wonder Woman stifled a giggle and nearly choked in the process.  Green
Lantern and Hawkman exchanged amused knowing glances.  But Supergirl was
AGHAST!!!!!! NOT ALL THE SUPERHEROES IN THE ROOM COULD QUENCH HER TEMPER TANTRUM!!!!  This all went past poor Vince......with his eyes squeezed tightly shut, and finger clutching the crystal ball.......sending incriminating telepathic
pornographic pictures of his favorite superhero.......fueling, the soon to
be cataclysmic fury, of Supergirl.  “Can I let go now?  Are we done?” he
mumbled hopefully.
          “YESSSSS!!!!  RELEASE YOUR PERVERTED HANDS FROM THE PROPHECY STONE IMMEDIATELY!!!!!” An imperial shriek froze his heart in asystoli. Vince
jumped in midair at the command----all hairs standing on end----Then
collapsed under the table, hoping no one would notice him.  The pornographic
images faded under the disappointed eyes of the male JLA members.
          “I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU MEN FIND THIS OUTRAGE SO AMUSING!” Supergirl put her face directly in line with the unofficial arm of authority, Batman and
Superman, challenging them to intervene and dispense justice. Batman’s face
was unreadable, expressionless and immobile as he calmly faced Supergirl’s
tirade of fury.  But you could tell by the pain and anguish in his eyes,
that  it was taking every bit of his super-human strength to maintain a
deadpan expression, and not break down into hysterics.  Superman however,
had curled up into a ball, buried a face as red as his cape into his large
hands, and completely given up his facade.  “ALL YOU DEFENDERS OF JUSTICE
          Meanwhile Vince recovering himself, was slowly climbing back into his chair,
and looking around to see how much damage he had done, he met with
Superman’s sympathetic gaze.  Superman was using his most diplomatic and
polite voice. “I think we covered your aspirations and ambitions fueled by
your contact with the superheroes to about your mid 20's.  Do you think you
may have more redeeming achievements to display here?.......or does it just
get worse?......What I am asking you is, shall we go on?”
          Supergirl bent around the hulking body of her male counterpart to give Vince
a hostile stare. ‘Don’t you dare embarrass me further’ her telepathic vibes
were clearly broadcasted to everyone in the room.
         Kerrie quickly slipped over and placed a comforting hand on Supergirl’s
trembling shoulder.  “I know my husband’s indiscreet tastes are as
embarrassing to me as the people around him.  Spanking woman is as damnable
chauvinistic male fantasy.  I’ve always looked up to you as my childhood
hero.  Please----show Vince what a REAL SPANKING feels like------and cure
his obscene fetish once and for all.”
          Now none of us expected Supergirl to be naive enough to fall for a line
like that.  But slowly, the thought began to appeal to her.  Kerrie produced
a small wooden paddle from her purse.  “Now what does a woman of steel need with a wooden paddle?” came an imperious
voice.  Supergirl gripped Vince with an iron grip, and carrying him under
her arm, like a lap dog, carried him out of the room.  Robin quickly shut the soundproof double bolted doors behind them.  Unknown
to the woman of steel, as soon as she stormed out the door.........the
remainder of the JLA rolled out of their seats, weak from uninhibited
gut-bursting hysteria.


[End of Part 1]

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