Having put forth the concept of the Transformative Event (TE), let us now see how it might occur in practice. Consider the case of the girl (age 2-5) who is spanked by her father or perhaps some other man in a position of unquestioned authority (uncle, etc.), or who witnesses the spanking of a child with whom she can identify. What would we expect the effect of this experience to be?
- Because the girl most probably learned to differentiate male from female (see Chapter 2) by studying her parents, her father becomes a sort of model for what she expects a man to be. Thus, at some level she learns to expect that males give spankings.
- Because most girls are deeply attached to their fathers and want their love and approval, spanking becomes associated with love, i.e. she expects a man who loves her to spank her.
- The experience also suggests intimacy - a new concept to the child that will of course undergo further development.
- She is too young to have a clear idea of submission in the sexual sense, but a more general concept of submission - giving way to a superior power - becomes established. That is, she learns she has no choice but to submit. Another way of putting this is that she feels compelled to submit to being spanked by Daddy, and this feeling of compulsion becomes quite important later on as we will see.
- If she was caught doing something "bad," powerful feelings of guilt and fear would be present just before the spanking begins. Daddy is clearly upset - what is he going to do? Because children do not have much emotional strength, or powers of resistance, relatively minor events can stir up the most powerful feelings (indeed, that is why the TE has such far-reaching effects). This also means the spanking itself will be taken very seriously by the child, with crying and a subsequent emotional release likely to occur.
- If the spanking is only witnessed, items 1 - 4 would be unaffected as the witnessing child would sympathetically experience what the spanked child endured, but there would probably be no emotional release. It is possible that in this case the grown woman would be less likely to want to experience real tears, a matter on which we will speculate further later.
We have explained that the TE changes the personality by affecting the mind's understanding of certain concepts, especially sexually-related ones. But there is a secondary effect, much like the more severe instance of actual psychological trauma. By trauma we mean an event which causes actual psychological injury. Whether a TE constitutes a trauma depends on whether we consider a paraphilia to be such injury. While that could certainly be the case, and sometimes is, I will avoid using the terms synonymously, and indicate when the TE reaches the threshold of an actual trauma. In the example we are considering, the TE falls short of that threshold. Nonetheless, there is still that secondary effect, which we explain as follows:
The Spankee's Desire to Re-Create the TE
A TE represent the opening up of new possibilities, a new way of looking at some aspect of the world (in this case, sexuality). The importance of the first actual sexual experience upon the future sex life of the individual has long been recognized by sexologists; what I am suggesting here is that the TE has a similar effect but in a manner which is both more subtle and more far-reaching. One aspect of a first sexual experience is that the individual has a tendency to want to re-create some aspect or aspects of this experience in later life. Again, the reason for this is that the TE, like the first sexual experience, represents a sexual awakening. I will suggest that the following secondary aspects of the spanking experience are manifestations of this desire to re-create the TE:
- Wanting to see the man remove his belt prior to using it for spanking.
- Wanting to cry real tears.
- Wanting to be told the spanking is for her own good.
- Wanting to obey the spanker's commands (as opposed to being forced to obey, which along with bratting has a different cause, as we will see).
- Desire to experience loss of control, that is, to be compelled to submit and obey.
- Desire to be placed in the OTK (Over The Knee) position. This position is the one most commonly used, and there has to be a reason other than its utility. Notice, though, that if some other position were employed during the TE, this would very likely influence the adult desire to re-use the same position (for more on this, see Secondary TE's, below). The most obvious example would be the desire to receive the belt while lying prone on a bed, which while uncommon does occur first as parental discipline and later as adult spanking.
Notice that these re-creative desires fall into two separate categories: (1) Re-creation of some physical aspect of the spanking TE (position, etc.); and (2) Re-creation of some emotional aspect of the spanking TE (the compulsory submission, the emotional release of tears, etc.). Despite falling into two different categories, the fact remains that the adult spankee is trying to re-create aspects of the original spanking experience, which is strong proof that the TE theory is basically correct. The effects of Secondary TE's, where they occur, provide even more proof.
The Existence of Secondary TE's and Their Effects
The Primary TE which we have been describing so far is the most important because by definition it is the first to occur, and at a time when the child's personality is still at an early stage of development. But of course the personality continues to develop throughout the rest of childhood and adolescence, and it is possible for further spanking experiences to modify the effects of the original TE. We will refer to these events as Secondary TE's. Observation suggests that the earlier these Secondary TE's occur, the more powerful they are, which is consistent with the overall TE theory (which depends on the idea of the adult personality being built up over time in layers, as it were). Indeed, it is rare to positively identify a TE in late adolescence - some that are reported by adult spankos probably are actually the awakening of spanking desires as the sexual personality matures (as was mentioned back in Chapter 2), although of course actual spanking experimentation with a boyfriend or girlfriend could certainly have a decided effect. This is probably due to two factors, the declining number of spankings received as the child becomes older, and the fact that the personality becomes less malleable as it matures. Thus, the spanking of a sixteen-year-old girl is both less likely to occur and less likely to have psychological consequences than the spanking of a three-year-old girl if it does occur.
Let us mention some likely Secondary TE's:
- Continued paternal spankings: These would have the effect of reinforcing the Primary TE.
- School Corporal Punishment: this has obviously been an enormous factor that is now on the wane in the Western world. In America, there are a legion of spankos who are into using paddles, and the formerly common practice of paddling children in school is the obvious cause. [See Martin's story.] Similarly, we see large numbers of British spankos into caning, and the cause cannot be doubted. If the paddle and cane were equally popular in the two countries, there might be some doubt, but while the cane is not unknown in America, the paddle is far more popular, and the reverse situation holds in Britain. If a study could be done in those areas of Asia where school corporal punishment still exists (typically with some form of cane), we would no doubt find a strong preference for these implements among Asian spankos. Both new implements and new positions (vairations on bending over) are introduced to the spanko by this Secondary TE.
- Spanking administered by a non-parental authority figure: School corporal punishment obviously falls into this category, but sometimes children are spanked by aunts, uncles, older brothers or sisters, babysitters, or even close neighbors. Anything about such an incident that the spankee finds memorable or exciting would obviously affect future adult spanking desires.
- Disciplinary spanking given by boyfriend during the teen-age years: this would obviously function as straight reinforcement of the primary TE, but now in a nearly-adult context.
Effects of the Conflict Between the Female's Desire to be Spanked and Other Factors
So far we have been concentrating, out of necessity, on the origin of adult spanking desires. But in describing adult spanking behavior, we must remember that desire is not the only psychological force operating. This is particularly true of women, who are considerably less confident in and more embarrassed by their sexual desires than men, one obvious effect of which is that many young women are unable to confess their spanking desires to their first lover. A less-obvious effect is to create a need to have some disciplinary feel to a spanking, both in fantasy and in reality. Let us see how this comes about.
Because it is difficult for many women to frankly admit even to themselves the desire to be spanked, they need to feel that it is "all right" for them to be spanked; that is, they need some external justification. The idea that they have done something wrong, even merely committed a minor infraction of some kind, provides this justification and makes it acceptable for them to submit to a spanking (which is what they really want to do deep down). It appears that this is more true the weaker the spanking desire; indeed, we have seen some reliable reports of "vanilla" women who accepted spankings because they felt guilty about something. Where powerful erotic spanking fantasies dominate this effect is much less pronounced but probably never entirely absent.
We see over and over again women seeking what they call "accountability," that is, to be held accountable for their actions. What this means is to be "forced" to submit to a spanking as punishment for infractions that are usually quite mild judged in absolute terms. Some of the specific "offenses" women who come to me for discipline have listed include procrastination, partying instead of studying (college students), diet/exercise, bad housekeeping (this one is uncommon), etc. While the feelings of guilt are quite real, we must emphasize that these infractions are generally a rationalization for the desire to submit to a spanking, which is to say, for sexual submission. At the same time, there are a small number of women who actually do benefit from periodic discipline, a discovery which came as something of a surprise. But actual case histories, which will not be given here because we are not primarily concerned with this category, prove this to be the case.
We shall designate that class of female spankees whose desire for discipline is paramount as The Penitent. Having now answered the question of why so many female spankees prefer their spankings to savor of discipline, we now naturally inquire as to whether these spankees can be divided into classes by their overt desires and behavior.
Five Types of Female Spankees
Figure 3.01 - The five broad classes of female spankees.
Experience shows that the female spankee generally falls into one of five classes. The Penitent has been described above.
The Beloved results from spanking being associated with love- this type of spankee wants to feel loved and being spanked provides that for her.
The Brat has a somewhat different origin. The basic reason that female sexual behavior is different from that of the male is that the two sexes have different amounts of time invested in the reproductive process. Because the female has much more invested than the male, she must be far more selective - mistakes are costly for her. This fact has resulted in generalized "bratting" behavior, in which the male's resolve is tested. The female who engages in this kind of challenge is hoping the male will rise to meet it - that is, that he won't let her get away with pushing the boundaries, which means that he's a good strong man and therefore a good choice for a mate. In the case of the female spankee, the desired response from the man is that he turns her over his knee to demonstrate his solid resolve, but it must be recognized that this is merely a specialized instance of bratting - the non-spankee wants to see a strong response from the man, but not usually in the form of a spanking. Women with extroverted personalities may find great fun in bratting, and are certainly well-represented at spanking parties!
The Submissive seeks more or less pure submission; the term power exchange has appeared in the B & D world to describe this type although it is not wholly accurate since the dominant male assumes power and the submissive female relinquishes it - power transfer more closely describes what takes place. Despite the obviously sexual nature of this need (see Chapter 1), The Submissive may seek a spanking from someone who is not a lover which is something we have observed many times. Probably this comes about because many of this type tend to have strong personalities and independent positions, and find it very difficult to submit even though they have a powerful need for submission. This conflict, of course, causes such women a great deal of anguish. It may be easier for them to be spanked by a man they're not involved with, although perhaps bad spanking experiences with past lovers play a role also. Finally, while many Submissives have strong personalities, others are sensitive, quiet and gentle. They are less known and less studied probably because their introverted nature makes them reluctant to "come out" in any fashion, and for that reason they are uncommon at spanking parties. I remember one woman I believe to be of this type who did attend a party (as a neutral observer and with an escort), and at one point just from talking about spanking she was overcome with tears and left the room.
The Sensualist has a completely different origin, not due to a TE. In this case, a woman has simply discovered through experimentation that she enjoys the sensual aspects of spanking (usually, not too hard a spanking). Because this class is different from the other four, the diagram reflects this with the red line. Nonetheless, The Sensualist is important for she might be the most common type of spankee - many women, perhaps one in four, can be persuaded to take a spanking provided it isn't too hard. Not all of these are Sensualists - some probably agree to accept a spanking out of a combination of guilt and unconscious submissive desires - but many are.
As for the first four classes, while we have been careful to distinguish between them, observations shows that most non-Sensualist spankees actually exhibit all four types of behavior, with one of the three predominating. Thus The Beloved is often most comfortable if her spankings have a disciplinary feel to them, certainly wants to submit to them, and will occasionally engage in bratting. This is why it will be observed that the same woman at times wants simply to be told what to do and to obey, then at other times will adopt a defiant "You'll have to make me!" attitude. It should also be noted that these first four classes fall into the Natural Spanko category, while The Sensualist falls into the Learned Spanko category.
We have been concentrating exclusively here on the female submissive and have not explained female dominants and switches. We will tackle that subject in Chapter 5, but in order to do so we must develop some further concepts as we study the male in Chapter 4 next.
