Chicago Spanking Review

The Dick Van Dyke Show Spanking

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dick van dyke show title

The classic Dick Van Dyke show.

There seem to be more cable channels running TV shows from the 60's and 70's than ever before, and of course a lot of these shows are available on the internet as well. It's getting depressing for us to think about just how long ago shows like I Spy and Star Trek were actually on the air for their first and second network runs, but anyway, we were there. And those of us spankos who were there naturally fantasized about seeing the actresses spanked on camera, especially those whose characters deserved it.

In most cases these fantasies were never realized, for example Barbara Eden in I Dream of Jeannie, who was our own favorite candidate for a spanking because the character of Jeannie was willful and disobedient and because of Eden's great beauty, never got a true spanking on the show. (Jeannie does get a swat with a clipboard in a silly slapstick scene, while Eden received an incredibly awkward and unsatisfactory spanking in Rawhide.) For many others, Mary Tyler Moore, whom we mentioned in the context of a Homer Provence spanking cartoon, and who co-starred in the first Dick Van Dyke show (there were three, not counting Diagnosis Murder), was the number one choice of spankee. And as it happens, there was one and only one actual spanking scene involving Moore which everyone seems to have forgotten - except us.

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"How to Spank a Star" - oh, if only it had come to pass! Original air date March 11, 1964.

Naturally we're going to digress for a moment before presenting that spanking. There had been an earlier episode of The Dick Van Dyke Show entitled "How to Spank a Star" which certainly seemed promising, as Rob (Van Dyke) jokingly promises to spank a difficult star named Paula Marshall (Lola Albright) who's been walking all over him if she acts up again. This was season 3, episode 24, originally airing on March 11, 1964. Although there was no actual spanking, the episode's title and the mention of the possibility that Rob might spank Paula was certainly titillating. Below we present the scene where Laura's firmness causes their son Ritchie to behave himself, and Rob realizes he needs to man up and take an equally firm line with Paula.


[If you can see this text, ActiveX controls are not enabled or you are using a browser other than Internet Explorer. Click here to download the Windows Media Player version of the video.]

Here are the opening credits followed by the scene. In the actual follow-up scene with Paula (not shown), Rob threatens a lawsuit if Paula doesn't adhere to the terms of her contract with the show. Perhaps we should have included the last scene with Rob and Laura, because when Laura asks how things went with Paula, Rob responds "I spanked her!" and Laura starts smiling at the thought before Rob explains that he only spanked her metaphorically. Is it necessary for us to say we would have much preferred a spanking of the non-metaphorical variety?

You can use the player at left if you have Internet Explorer with ActiveX Controls enabled, or download the Windows Media (WMV) version here. We didn't think anyone would want to burn it to DVD, so we didn't make an MPEG-2 version. Nor did we upload this to YouTube since there's no real spanking and since we don't think it will overload our host's servers.

Since YouTube's embedding code is no longer compatible with CSR's basic architechture, we can't embed the YouTube player any more. But here is the link to the video on YouTube.

Now let's move on to the actual "spanking," which really just consisted of three swats with a rolled-up magazine and which took place later that same year. The episode was called "My Two Showoffs and Me" and was the thirteenth to be shown during season four. The original air date was December 16th, 1964 (now half a century ago!). The plot is not that important, but here is a quick summary: largely due to Laura (Mary Tyler Moore), a magazine writer has been invited to interview the staff writers of the Alan Brady Show (Rob, Buddy, and Sally). Problems ensue, and since they're basically Laura's fault, the normally mild-mannered Rob decides a little wifely discipline is in order.

It's actually a very charming scene as you can see for yourself as soon as we stop talking. At left is the YouTube version, which we include for those who don't use the Internet Explorer browser and also to avoid straining our host's servers.

[If you can see this text, ActiveX controls are not enabled or you are using a browser other than Internet Explorer. Click here to download the Windows Media Player version of the video.]

Posted by the Web-Ed on 12/12/2014.

Here it is with the Windows Media player. [Note: this worked in test but not in production. We're working on a solution. Until we find a player that actually works, the link to Youtube is probably the best way to see one of the three videos on this page.]

You can use the player at left if you have Internet Explorer with ActiveX Controls enabled, or download the Windows Media (WMV) version here. If you want to burn it to DVD later, use the MPEG-2 version. To download, right-click and then select "Save Target As". We've also left the YouTube player in place we used for the first week after we posted this page to alleviate the problems of hosting the video ourselves.


dick van dyke show taking aim for laura's behind

Rob (Dick Van Dyke) takes aim for Laura's (Mary Tyler Moore) rear with a rolled-up magazine.

Of course we'd all prefer a proper spanking with the OTK position, but we feel this should count because there is actual contact between a hand-held "implement" (rolled-up magazine) and Laura's behind. There's some very nice dialogue, too:

LAURA: No, not in the head! Not in the head!

ROB: How about down there? (meaning her fanny)

dick van dyke spanks mary tyler moore with a magazine

Impact!

LAURA (as she gets the swat): Thank you! Yes, I deserve it!

Wonderful lines! There's a little more dialogue which we can't make out as the orchestra plays a short scene-closing phrase and Rob applies two more swats.

dick van dyke spanks mary tyler moore with a magazine

Laura jumps up to avoid swat #2, but Rob lands it on target anyway.

So why did no one except ol' Web-Ed remember this episode? The Dick Van Dyke Show ran for five seasons on the network and was very successful in syndication when that was still a new thing (we remember finding it strange back in 1965 or so to see the show in two different time slots, one day, one night). Yet no spanko on hundreds of blogs has ever mentioned this episode or asked if anyone knew anything about it.

Perhaps the answer is that except for the spanking, the episode is not particularly memorable. Even we, who can recite whole chunks of dialogue from old episodes of Star Trek or The Fugitive couldn't remember anything more about this one other than that the spanking ended the show. That made searching through episode guides useless, and ultimately we were forced to tape the show every day in order to find the correct episode. We hope everyone thinks it was worth the effort - we do, considering as we noted before how prominently Mary Tyler Moore figured in many a spanko-boy's fantasies back then.

[If you can see this text, ActiveX controls are not enabled or you are using a browser other than Internet Explorer. Click here to download the Windows Media Player version of the video.]

This is a shortened version of the video with the spanking part only. You can use the player at left if you have Internet Explorer with ActiveX Controls enabled, or download the Windows Media (WMV) version here.


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